Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
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she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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