You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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