I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
