can we get nightvision for the apartment?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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