There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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