see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
the condom got lost in my hair
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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