hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
