eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
