we're chasing vodka with high fives
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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