I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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