What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
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