I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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