absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize