So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
