you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
