Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
