I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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