you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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