I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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