I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
false alarm. still invincible.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
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You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
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I have fence marks all over my body
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize