You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
