I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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