..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.