Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France