It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay