I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.