I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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