I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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