I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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