Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
