you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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