she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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