i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
