I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
