You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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