my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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