I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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