i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So many bounce houses so little time
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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