you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
we're so committed to being not committed
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
