I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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