Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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