and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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