So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
