Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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