I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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