i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
