I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
why do cheetos always look like penises
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
