Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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