I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
