I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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