You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
