Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
