You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
