I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
