i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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