my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
