I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
