I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
