we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
