All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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