thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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