My Higher Power is John Stamos
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
