i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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