i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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