I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She's the barista slut.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
