Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
