4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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