Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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