Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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