My liver just broke up with me...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
