Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
